Reality Check

In the past several weeks Jim has made great strides in getting better. I was waiting for the other foot to drop and today we took some backward steps. Remember I told you that he was off the vent for 10 hours yesterday. Well this really knocked him out today. He could not get off the vent. They tried several times but he could not go more than 15 or 20 minutes. He was short of breath and his rate was over 30. They like it between 20 and 24. He was also in a lot of pain. He asked for morphine and acupril. None of this bodes well for him.

Nurse Donna told me today that he is really tired. He has worked hard to fight this battle and he is not winning. The bedsore on his butt is worse. She does not know how this is ever going to get better. He needs a flap but that is surgical and he just can not handle that. Plus he has the neck situation and he is not ready for surgery for that either. I want and believe sometimes that he is getting better but he is really sick. Today when I looked at him and could not get him to respond to me very much it just made my heart break. I just want to get in bed with him and just hold him and tell him how much I love him. I know he knows but he is so alone and has just me ( plus my sister and mom) I want I want him to know that I am there with him every step of this horrible jouney.

The MIRSA continues in his chest. There is no telling where that is. He is still on the wound vac for this. All that can be done is being done.

My reality check today is that Jim may never come home. I spent a lot of my day today crying and trying to figure out how to face today and then tomorrow. Beyond that I can not look more than a day at a time.